Shad Supreme?
by LegendaryWeresheep
Summary: The title has next to nothing to do with the comedy. A flat out comedy with Shadow as the central character! The Shad man lives his life out and craziness ensues! Laughs, sex appeal, and more Earthworm Jim then you can handle! Read and review, please.


It's the fic you've all (and by "all", I mean InusonishaUnlimited and shadrougeforever) been waiting for, it's "Shadow Supreme...?"

By the way, this is M-rated. :3 So prepare for all that M-ratedny goodness, such as blood, bad words, and that all-important s-word. No, not "station wagon".

So, let's start, shall we?...

.(Earth space...)

From the deep reaches of space, 50 years ago, a man approaches, wearing dark glasses, and a black trench coat...

Who're you!?

"I'm Neo. The One, Neo, ring a bell? The comet's _that _way," Neo points to the left.

Oh, r-right.

Ahem! As I was saying, deep reaches of space, bla bla bla. A comet approaches. The Space Colony, Ark, has been hard at work, when suddenly...

A scientist notices it with a telescope. "It's heading...right for us! HIT THE DIRT!!!" several workers and scientists and even robots (amazingly!) jumped out of the way. The comet had only pierced the telescope area, covering up any entrances the vacuum of space might get into. Everything was quite fine.

The scientists marveled at the amazing comet...asteroid...whatever you want to call it.

The section of the big space rock that was open to the colony opened up. Two bipedal, red armed, black bodied aliens came out, with pistol-esque weapons of sorts in their hands.

"AHHHH!!! BLACK ALIENS!!!!" several of them shouted. Both of them closed their eyes half-way, and then went back inside the comet. A few seconds later (hissing was heard like that of a spray can...specifically a white paint spray can), they emerged again, this time, white.

"Oh. White aliens...Welcome to Space Colony Ark!" someone said.

Four Swedish hotties hung out with the two aliens and did that flirty thing with them.

"Told ya this would work. You owe me your next three meals," the right one said. "Why do I keep agreeing to these stupid bets?..." the other said, whilst putting a hand to it's face in apparent shame.

"Take us to your leader!" a scientist said.

The two aliens traded looks and raised eyebrows. "Ok," one said, the other saying afterwards, "But bring yours out, too!"

.(Inside the black comet...Black Doom's room, to be precise...)

The overlord soundly slept in a bed of the purest blue cotton that had suns and moons, the Mario Bros. Symbol, the Sonic Team Emblem, and little Chocobos riddled all over it. Least to say of the sleeping cap, which had lightning bolts on it. An alien came in and poked him a few times, grunting.

Tired of doing this already, the alien outright shook him. "Wake up! It's time to put your brilliant scheme into the works and TAKE OVER THE PLANET!!! Or whatever the hell it is we're trying to do..."

He shook, then floated into the air wearing a silly one-size-fits-all pajamas suit that had teddy bears on it. Black Doom grumbled all the way into the shower, then came out wearing his standard, almost religious looking robes and necklaces that hung even below him.

Blacky then smacked himself at least 50 times before saying, "Let's do this..."

.(A few moments later...)

The alien leader, Black Doom, met up with the head scientist, Prof. Gerald Robotnik.

"I am Black Doom!" the alien said, "now who the fuck are you?"

"I am Prof. Gerald, the lead scientist of this colony. I built it, so I keep it. Now what do you want?"

This was the EASY part. "I have traveled from several light years away to help you with...uh...your project!"

"Which one?" the Prof. said.

"The Ultimate Life Form one."

"Why?"

"Because...he's gonna...uhhh...look really cool on the covers of magazines and stuff."

"Because why?"

"So...you'd make a lot of money."

"And?..."

"Gee...can't really...oh, yes! And uh, make the world a better place or something." He sounded very unenthusiastic on that last part.

"Okay."

"That's it? Okay!?"

"Yeah. I haven't been able to find a good design OR a power source. You see, I've implemented all I know into this guy--cuz girls with power often tend to abuse it, or become three stupid, arrogant cartoon characters that have no discernable fingers or noses. Genndy Tartakovsky is into that sort of thing--but I can't seem to get the right DNA. Humans won't work, oh no sir."

"Oh..." Doom scratched his head. He didn't think it would be this easy. "You could use mine. I've got some KILLER powers and shit. Plus, look at how cool I am!"

"Sweet, you're hired."

.(About an hour later...look, they were doing some unloading!...)

A scientist with a yarmulke (pronounced "ya-ma-ca") and curly hair came up to Black Doom, who was sitting (or what could be established as "sitting")on the bed.

"Now, I need you to release your gametes into this jar," the Jew guy gave him a jar that said "Alien DNA" on it.

Doomie looked at it for a moment. "Oh, now I got ya," he said, with the ok sign. Doom grabbed his horn and squeezed it, releasing a green fluid into the jar about half-empty. He handed it to the scientist.

He looked at the lord for a moment. "I'm not even going to ask how you use that thing..."

After a bit, the Jew inevitably asked how old he was.

He really didn't know himself.

But still, Black Doom spoke. "Well, the easiest way to define that would be to cut one of my bones in half and count the rings. But, here's a good estimate." Doom gave him a photo of himself pointing out where America was for Christopher Colombus. Another photo giving to the doctor was of himself as well, with him smoking on what was apparently Big Ben.

"Oh. So THAT'S how that happened..."

One more picture showed what was a more revised version of the soldier piercing Jesus of Catholic lore.

Apparently, Black Doom was the one to pierce the flesh of Jesus. .

The scientist (being a Jew) did not take this offensively (like a Catholic would), but merely looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "So..." the guy in the white lab coat said, "Why'd you do it?"

"Alcohol...and lots of it." The alien lord poked into a cage marked "DO NOT LOOK! YOU'LL BE SORRY!". He looked anyway, but was interrupted by the doc. "Hey! Don't look in there!"

"Why not?"

"Because...whew...about a few months ago, I got fired from my OLD job at another lab when I accidentally cloned a batch of 'monkey frogs'," he explained.

Doom was even more intrigued. "Oh...hey, wait, don't you get Nobel prizes for stuff like this? Come here, cutchy cutchy coo-" Doom saw what was inside the cage, and regretted every moment of it. "Oh my-!..." he clasped his hands to his mouth, "What the fuck have you done!?!?"

"Learned your lesson?"

"Yep..."

"Now, I've determined the reason you have your powers."

"Godlessness?"

"Well, there is that. But, I've determined that you are most likely very long lived, longer then anything I've ever seen before. Immortal, even."

"I know that much..."

"However, I think that the main reason behind your powers is because you're a sort of dominant, Alpha male of your entire race. Probably only one of you."

"Now THAT'S more believable."

Over the course of several months, Prof. Gerald worked on the Ultimate Life Form, already producing a prototype...

The Prof. looked at the overlord. "This isn't what I was aiming for."

"We should refer to this as a powerful bastard child. Just have to find that right gamete cell."

The dino design wasn't to the Prof.'s liking, so he searched for a new one. After walking out of a bar, he had a vision (hallucination) of an ancient tablet he had seen once. Hours later, he took a look at the tablet on his computer (Alienware).

And there was his design. It was...perfect. The tablet depicted a small, blue being surrounded in a yellowish aura. It looked like a porcupine or a hedgehog. To the right sort of looked like himself, with the mustache. They seemed to be fighting over a gem of sorts.

Instead of the right one, he looked more and more closer at the smaller one. He deciphered and figured it was a prophecy of sorts. This was it. He will make it look like this valorous warrior. A hedgehog, quills pointed upward.

A few more months later, it was done. Black Doom and the Professor has finished the Ultimate Life Form, dubbed "Shadow." The being could think and act on it's own, had powers that could be used for the "good" of mankind.

"It's...It's..." said the Professor.

"Alive?" asked Black Doom.

"No...HE'S...A HEDGEHOG!!!

"Oh...is that good? That's good, right?"

"I guess..."

There was one problem. "So, who's going to keep him?" said Black Doom.

"I don't know."

None of them had any idea what to do with him. Black Doom and Gerald were his (not gay) fathers, but which one would take care of him?

There had to be a solution...and that was Janken!

"One, two, three, shoot!"

Tie.

"One, two, three, shoot!"

Another tie.

This went on for 30 more ties, as Black Doom has difficulty making scissors with his hands.

However...

"One, two, three, sho-"

Stop right there!

Now, we all know that Gerald was the one who kept Shadow, but, in case you haven't noticed yet (and if you haven't, you're an idiot), that is NOT the direction this is going. So, to add a little twist...

"-ot!" Black Doom had made rock, whilst the Prof. had scissors. "Sweet!" said Black Doom, "I'll take him with me to our comet and teach him to be the best killing- I mean, the best damn goody-goody hedgehog the universe has ever known!"

"Hooray!" said Gerald. Black Doom grabbed the apparently unconscious hedgehog and hovered back into his comet. Gerald waved goodbye at what he thought was a good alien. He quickly realized he was the opposite when he looked at the piece of paper that Doom had dropped.

_To Do list:_

_Fool old man into thinking I'm a good guy--check_

_Help in creation of Ultimate Life Form--check_

_Secretly intend to use it to conquer Earth in 50 years--check_

_Remember list of cliches--check_

_Black Doom_

Gerald was pissed. He took his creation, AND planned to destroy or conquer Earth. Revenge! Using his ultimate knowledge, Gerald created the Eclipse Cannon and a catchy phrase to say when Black Doom returned.

A silhouette...a very familiar one was visible in the background. It's bowtie swirled in circles as he smiled a somewhat hilarious, evil grin. "Iiiiiiiit's SHOWTIME!!!" the familiar voice said.

But enough of that story. Now I have to tell you THIS story...

.(Black Comet...)

Now came the hard part. Doom knew how to raise children, but this was a whole different ball game. Shad was forced into the "Black Arms School--but without the drugs".

Class had started and Shadow couldn't be more bored. He was doing ok, but the thing was, he just thought going to a bumbling school like this was boring. Don't even START on the relationships he was avoiding. Not a single hottie in the whole damn comet. He was good looking for a mammalian hedgehog, but the thing was, he was the only one.

.(One class session...)

"...and that is the reason why the Cubbies are vastly superior to the pathetic Red Sox," said the obscure teacher character.Anth himself was, for no reason, in the classroom. "Gooooooo Cubbiiiiiiiiieeeeessss!!!!" he yelled out of nowhere.

And as usual, everyone ignored him (except maybe you, the reader).

It was at that moment that an alien with Cardinals gear walked in and hell was to pay when he said the Cubs sucked. No man, woman, or child was spared as the two sides waged unceasing combat against each other. Shad didn't really care, and walked out. As he closed the door, someone's head was thrown onto the door and slowly, it slid off, leaving a trail of green gooey blood.

For the next 50 years this went on. Shadow's interest in what Doom wanted him to be interested in really was not helping. He was quite irritated by the constant darkness, the long hours, and the restless sleep. He could keep this up for 100 more years, but hell, he wouldn't want to in the first place.

And now, it was the day of reckoning. The year of 2XX7 (wow, some time, huh?).

Black Doom was seeing off his biological son (he ejaculated into a jar--something he never told Shadow).

"...and remember to cause lots of collateral damage and stuff," he said to Shadow.

He really wasn't enthused (why would he?) about this plan, as it involved senseless violence (this Shadow is lighthearted compared to his vile, villainous daddy), when Shadow usually preferred a reason to all of it. Of course, Doom would then say it's because they want to take over the planet.

Shadow had other plans.

As soon as Shadow left the comet and onto a space bus to Earth, a massive bomb was found at the throne room of the comet.

"How the hell did we miss this?" said an alien, shaking his head. It had a note on it that Doom read.

_Dead Shit-headed father:_

_I have planted this bomb in the comet to make sure you scum bags never see the light of day again. 50 years I spent preparing to invade a planet we really have no reason to invade._

_Shadow._

"But why?" Black Doom said to himself.

_P.S.: You think I'd take over a planet so your entire race would populate it and kill everyone else? The hottest babe on there has three mouths and what appears to be a dick on her forehead. At least on Earth they're not bad looking. _

_In other words, you all ugly!_

"Should've really thought this through 50 years ago..." Doom said, 5 seconds before the entire comet was destroyed in the resulting explosion.

.(Earth...)

Shadow breathed in fresh air, then quickly shivered. The temperature was 67 degrees. Much less then what it should be in Spring. According to the text books, Global Warming should've increased the temperature by at least a degree or two.

Reading a free newspaper, Shadow learned that one Al Gore was elected president of the U.S., while George Bush, his opponent, was found to have made contracts with the devil himself, and sold several secrets to "Sodom Insane" before being caught in Mexico with over 45 pounds of hash in his bags.

George Bush was executed in Mexico by a firing squad...

...that was headed by Dick Cheney.

Shadow was intrigued; with their absence, Earth had reached the pinnacle of success and prosperation. And since the Professor didn't die, the world was even protected against ANY threat to Earth...

...along with the help of someone that caught his eye. It was a black and white newspaper (hey, it was FREE), he knew it was a blue hedgehog. It was written in the paper.

_"Heroic blue hedgehog, Sonic, once again performed a heroic act today when he defeated the Baron Mordo...'_

"Big deal..." Shadow said.

_'Stopped the Atom Bomb from destroying New York...'_

"So what?...Kid stuff..."

_'...and rescued Miss Gloves, an albino kitty from the tree of one thousand missing kitties!'_

"...my God! Now _that's_ a heroic act!"

_'In other news, a new friend was added to Sonic's Team the other day. More at 11...which is in the next paper.'_

"Kay...don't even know why I kept reading..."

With that done, Shadow decided he wanted to meet this blue hedgehog, who greatly resembles himself. Meet, then probably beat him badly with a baseball bat or something. Yeah, the metal bat of death...

Just as he was thinking that, he had just then bumped into an actual bat.

"S'cuse me," she said. She was white alright, with a heart-shaped bra. "Bug off!" said Shadow. He took the bat and broke it in half. The metal bat then fell to the ground in half.

He forgot. Shadow did not like metallic bats. He prefers good ol' oakwood.

Of course, as if that weren't enough, he bumped into a bat. The animal bat. She had white hair, pointed typical bat ears alright. She had pearly blue eyes, a purple-and-pink suit that didn't really try to cover her large breasts by much. "Hey, watch where you're going, bitch!" he said to her.

"Same to you, a-hole!" she said back.

An awkward silence. And they angrily stared at each other for a while. Then they just stopped and regained casual looks. "My my, you're quite decent," said the bat, "I'm Rouge the bat. There, that's my name. Now tell me yours, or I'll do something radical to your cock...the bad kind of radical."

"I'm Benjikun."

"But your bio says you're 'Shadow, the Ultimate Lifeform/hedgehog'..." she said, reading a sort of label she just found.

"Oh, alright. I'm Shadow alright. What kind of a name is Rouge, anyway?"

"It means 'Red' in French."

"French suck."

"I'm aware. But if you still want to call me Rouge, then just call me Red. "

"I like Rouge better."

"Then what about French sucking?"

"If you can suck better then they do, then I'll call you more then Rouge."

"Was that a pick up line?"

"Maybe..."

It was at that moment, that very moment, that she just slapped him hard and left. At first, he was pissed. But then, he noticed something. She had stuck a sticker on his cheek, which apparently had her number on it. 'Wow,' he thought, 'That's an awkward way to score a number...'

.(Later...)

At a local coffee shop, Shadow was in a rut. He was bored! He had planned the fateful dual with Sonic in a few days (he even called him ahead of time, to which Sonic gladly agreed), and nothing to do whilst he waited. Opportunity had come up and slapped him a couple times so far, and he didn't think it would happen again soon.

"FOOD FIGHT!!!!" yelled Anth as food then started to get flung everywhere and everyplace. People got hit by the nightmare of food items were flying everywhere. There were no alliances. No allies, only enemies as people threw food at whoever they say. Shadow was not among the combatants, but was hit anyway at random intervals.

Shad man wasn't mad, only a little annoyed.

.(Later, again...)

The entire planet was a utopia thanks to President Al Gore. His reign of good and prosperity began roughly 50 years ago, right after Gerald completed the Ultimate Life Form. For his two terms in office, Al Gore collected the seven legendary Chaos Emeralds, supposedly just a bedtime story. But Al believed. And, with their power, he became Super Al. As Super Al, he defeated Global Warming and created the environment, thwarting George Bush's diabolical scheme to take over the world.

Today, Al Gore's body cannot be found; his ashes spread across the world. Many people to this day believe that he's still protecting the Earth, his ghost never able to rest so long as the environment is in danger.

Shadow visited the statue dedicated to Al Gore. The statue depicted Al Gore, with a Chaos Emerald in his left hand. He pointed at the horizon with his free hand. The inscription on the plaque said "Al Gore--Creator of the environment, savior of the world."

'Some flashy guy...' Shadow wondered to himself. There, he saw a fox. Yes, a fox. But no ordinary vulpes. He had two tails! Next to him was a girl (or, who he thought was a girl), wearing flowers on the sides of her head.

"Hey...he was that kid in the newspaper...Tails!" said Shadow. The fox looked back at him with his baby blues. "Yes?"

"I'm Shadow. I called Sonic earlier?"

"Oh yeah. Hey, I'm Tails Prower."

The girl next to him likewise had blue eyes. And...

Shadow was taken completely aback by this. "Oh my God!! What happened to your nose!?!?" he hilariously pointed towards the girl's apparently lack of one.

The girl's name? "Oh, um, sorry. I guess the designers forgot to draw me a nose," she said, "My name is Cosmo."

STOP RIGHT THERE!

.(Freeze frame to 5 seconds before the Black Comet exploded...)

A drunk, very delusional Dark Oak approached (and I'm using this term lightly) the bomb in the center of the comet.

"Hey, I dropped this girl off on accident a few days ago, where ya wanted her?" he slurred.

"Who the fuck are you?" said Black Doom, just before the bomb exploded, killing them both (and everyone else on the comet).

.(Back at the park...)

'Must be the girl the newspaper was talking about...' thought Shadow, "So, are you two going out or something?"

Tails wasn't moved by this. "No. But when I'm in my teens I will ."

"I look forward to it," said Cosmo, smiling.

"Oh well. Just make sure Sonic appears like I told him to," said the black hedgehog.

"I will, don't worry."

"Hm," Shadow then sped off into a random direction.

Then into a wall.

Then got up and ran off in a safer direction.

Shadow ran around the city. Robots and non-corrupt cops were everywhere. Tight security, and not one ran on oil. The robots were bulky, humanoid shaped, with one large rectangular eye, obscured somewhat by a police officer's hat.

Of course! Find a place to live. He couldn't sleep at night in an alley or some cheap whore's motel. He needed a nice ol' house.

This was it.

A small house. It was for free. Why? Sometimes they are in this future regime. He just needed to become a registered citizen. It was easy as that.

.(Citizen registration...)

It was not as easy as that.

There were people, and aliens. Oh, and extraterrestrials. It was like the DMV, only even bigger, and a lot worse. It would be a long, long while before he'd make it to the middle, let alone the front.

What was worse is that there was a fat guy in front of him.

Stuck behind a fat guy in a long line did not mix. Something had to be done...

"Isn't that Mickey Mouse over there?" yelled Shadow, pointing outside. Sure enough, everyone, even the fat guy, ran outside to go see Micky Mouse.

A small, cloaked figure stood behind Shadow. "Thanks for covering," Micky said.

"No problem. Hey, everyone moved," he just now seemed to notice.

.(Some back room...)

A large man, not unlike the fat guy from before, was giving him this registration test.

"...and you'll have to wait a little longer. The house you want, someone already has dibs on it," the man said. "Who?" said Shadow.

"Me."

"So, saying you died within about three minutes, I'd get the house?"

"That's about it. Think I'll launch it into an orphanage, and- GAH!!" the man was struck dead by Shadow. At first, he had some small doubt about this man, but then...

Shadow found out the man was not only evil, but gay as well.

Inside his pocket was an exclusive club member's badge for a gay building or whatnot. Now that he had the house, AND the address, it was time for plan A:

SENSELESS VIOLENCE!!!

.(We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin.)

"I'm Ron Burgundy here with the Channel 11 1/2 news. In recent stories, prices for cheezy writing scripts and stories sky-rocketed today. Producers now seek cheap substitutes for huge action sequences."

.(Back...)

Shadow had killed them all. Organs were everywhere and stuff.

Oh, and blood. Lots and lots of blood.

"Wow," he said, "now that's what you call a huge action sequence!"

Unfortunately, Mickey was nowhere to be found. It has been assumed he was being sued by George Lucas for ripping off Yoda in a certain game about hearts and their kingdom...the second time around.

How long did that take?...about 10 seconds. Wow. Shadow really needed to find something time consuming...

.(His new house...)

Shadow likey.

The last guy who owned the house left his Beerfest: Unrated DVD. And a DVD player. And a flat screen. Shadow knew where this is going. But he needed buds. Someone to watch it with him.

And it was that moment that he felt a mighty tremor. Anth came in the door, to the bathroom, then came out with the plunger and left the house again. Outside was a giant toilet (yes, a toilet) that had robotic arms and legs, mad looking eyes and razor teeth! But, with the plunger, a strange being defeated it by unclogging all it had eaten (people, dogs, small disposable ear plugs).

Shadow knew this guy. Not Anth. He disappeared. Or something.

The guy spoke. "Oh ho! Once again, I have safely defeated the vile villainous lavatory monster from beyond what space!!"

A pink, slithery head, and a muscular body, and who's sentences are filled with unnecessary description. Yeah, it was Earthworm Jim alright. If you knew it was him, give yourself a pat on the back. Or a cupcake. Cupcakes are nice.

A guy weirder then he was, Shadow knew he could recruit this guy. But first, to get his attention. And an idea he got.

"Hey look, I'm punching a cow!" said Shadow.

Jim's worm head turned around in shock to him. "By the Great Worm Spirit--who's slithery moist body is too keen for mortal eyes to comprehend--that black hedgehog with chest furriness has- Heeeeey, you're not punching a cow...Why!?!?!"

"I needed to get your attention."

"Oh ho, quite alright."

"I'm Shadow. I've come across a certain DVD with Beer, and..."

.(One minute later...)

Jim stood there, then all of a sudden burst into cheers.

.(Inside Shad's new house...)

The worm in the suit looked around with a cheery, eerie amazement. Shadow was already annoyed by this guy, but at least he was aesthetically pleasing.

Now, who else would watch the movie with him? Well, he called a guy up. He'll come by at a specified time right after he beats Sonic.

.(A few days later...the battle with Sonic.)

Shadow looked everywhere. "What the fuck?" he said. Jim knew. "Oh ho! A quick time transition. Without which, we would be waiting for a long while!"

"Oh. Cool. I think..."

A movie crewman came up to him and showed him the script and whispered in his hear. "Oh, thanks," said Shadow.

Sonic and his pal, Tails, stood opposite Shadow and Earthworm Jim. "Let's do this!" said Sonic. "Die, fagger!" said Shadow.

"Faker."

"Whatever!"

Sonic and Shadow ran at each other, for about 10 seconds, yelling "AHHHHHH!!!". Then, they finally collided...literally. Sonic was the first to get up, nice and woozy. Shadow got up afterwards, very quickly, then jumped into the air.

Sonic looked forward to this.

.(Later...)

Shadow sat at home with a bored face. He was supposed to be there an hour ago. Earthworm Jim was making something in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. "So glad you could make it," Shadow said with little enthusiasm. A 12 foot tall robot came in. He was too tall, and thus he busted right through the top of the door.

"Optimus Prime?" said Shadow, "you know Earthworm Jim?"

"Affirmative!" he held forward a picture of him and Jim at E3. Both incredibly wasted. Prime then placed a beer drinking cap on his head. "Bring on the Beerfest!"

"Where's your friend?"

"...Oh...right..."

.(Airport...)

Hotshot, in robot form, was being...detained at the airport.

A pair of C.U.S.T.O.M.S. officers had Hotshot in cuffs. One officer was looking through weapons and picked one up. "What is this?" he said, "do you have a permit for this!?"

"Well, no fuckin' duh!"

Hotshot flashes the license.

"Still...I'm afraid we'll have to take you in for drunk driving."

"Oh, this is just FUCKING great! Are you blind or something!? I am the fucking car!!!"

Several cop bots come and aim weapons at him. "Dammit..." the cop bots cock their weapons. One robot spoke. "Hostility detected."

"No, wait, I-"

The cop bots started to fire rubber bullets at him.

"Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!"

And it went on like that for a while.

.(Shadow's place...)

"It'll probably take a week or two. Or a few years. Depends if he was drunk," said Optimus Prime.

"Great. Who's gonna fill in for him?" said Shadow. Then he remembered that bat girl he remembered. Broke her in half nice and good like a poor piece of metal. Then he remembered that girl he met. A bat lady. She gave him her number. No objections, so he went to the phone.

"Hello?" said the bat lady from the other side.

"Heya, Rouge? Ya wanna..."

"Come over? Certainly!"

"Great. Movie starts at like, 8."

"Okay, enough role playing," said Shadow, "so, you wanna come?"

"Well, duh. Yeah."

"At 9?"

"9. I look forward to it," she added.

Shadow hung up. "She's coming. Girl with three guys...well, are you hermaphroditic?"

Jim replied, something like "No, but I wouldn't think of it. After all, I lack what bipedal creatures would require for this sort of thing."

"...I guess that means I'm the only potential guy here."

Prime came in. "Affirmative! I shall prepare the booze!" he then started to take out a special brew that was inside his secret compartment.

.(Outside...)

Shadow noticed the bat coming down the side walk to his place. She was hot tonight, hardly wearing anything at all.

"Sorry. I was at the Extreme Gear course when you called. Mind if I stay like this?" she asked.

Shadow leaned so that his eyes were staring directly at her breasts. And he was pretty close, too. "Sure. Come on in. Just be sure not to get naked unless you're in bed," he said, half closing his eyes.

"Shadow, my face is up here." She pointed to her pretty face. Shadow looked up at her for a few seconds, then looked back at her tits and said "I see my point."

.(Inside...)

She looked around. "Nice place."

The movie had already started. Shadow sat next to the comely chiropteran. Jim was to Shadow's right, and Optimus Prime was (amazingly, he didn't break the couch) on Rouge's left. And there it was, the best DVD of all time: Beerfest.

.(About 3/8 through the movie [The part where Landfill shotguns two cans of beer at the same time...)

Shadow yawned, and Rouge thought he was making a move. She thought wrong. He was just yawning. His arm was on the cushioning right behind her. She got up and grabbed two Budlights and poured it down his throat. To her hopes, he took notice of her and this made things easy.

He was now a tad tipsy.

Shadow did not yawn. Instead, when his arm went around Rouge, he also rested his head on hers. Not what she had in mind, but it was little more then acceptable.

.(After the movie...)

Earthworm Jim was sound asleep (well, he was snoring quite one) and Optimus Prime was sleeping, standing up. Only Shadow and Rouge were up. The Tv was off, so, why not? They kissed in the dark. "So hot!" they said at the same time.

They proceeded outside, with him stumbling around everywhere until Rouge supported him. They continued into the darkness.

"So Shadow...what happened to you during the fight?"

"Well, ya shee, I jumped in the air and unleashed my ultimate proweshheshhhsh..."

.(Tails' place...)

"...but he hit his head on a lamp post," Tails said to Cosmo. She did a half smile. Cosmo does NOT like violence.

Sonic relaxed outside and stared into the stars. A black silhouette shot from one side of the sky to the other.

Neo.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!" he screamed as he made interstellar skid marks on the sky.

THE END!!!!

Note: Ha ha, I bet you thought there was gonna be sex, huh? Shame on you! I laugh at you! Ha ha ha! Oh, by the way, the "s word" stood for "Slices of Pepperoni".


End file.
